Wow, it's been a while... How've you been? I know, I know. You feel ignored don't you? Well I'm sorry and I feel just horrible about it. I have a shi.... a lot to update you on. I honestly don't even know where to begin but I'll just pick something.
Fedor deleted me off of facebook. Can you believe that? Obviously I feel like he didn't give me a chance. I mean come on... I was the one who called him all the time, I was the one who searched him out at nation to nation parties and asked him to meet my friends, I was the one who invited him over to my house to spend the night and I was the one who sent him messages on facebook begging him to be my friend. Did I do something wrong? Was I too clingy? I guess I'll never know...
I should let you all know that I get deleted off of facebook all the time. It's almost sad that I know when I've been deleted but I do. I'll be creepin' on facebook when I try to creep on someone who I know I was friends with when I realize that I am unable to view their profile because we are no longer "friends"... Hmmm... Why you gotta delete our friendship like that huh? Did those months of imaginary friendship mean nothing to you? Some people are so inconsiderate!
I can only hope I see Fedor everywhere now. Oh yeah, I will, without a doubt, smother him with kindness. I might start carrying around freshly baked muffins with me just in case I run into him.
Moving on... Sort of..... Eventually..
I just got back from Berlin yesterday. I had a good time! The weather on Friday was great... Just gweat! It was sunny and 60 something degrees which is perfect weather for getting lost... Too bad we didn't really get lost.
We had made reservations at the Golden Heart Hostel or something like that... I can't really remember but it had the word "golden" in it and it was a hostel so I think that word was in it too.. We ran into a minor problem.
We went inside to check in when the lady behind the counter directed us to another hostel down the street because they were overbooked and could not hold us. Of course I had no idea what was going on because Michelle and I were straggling behind everyone like small children who needed to be leashed. When I got a vague overview of what was going on I still didn't understand so I continued to listen to Michelle's iPod with her.
We get to the other hostel and it's....... A shitbox. It's times like this when I wondered if I could catch an STD by breathing the air. My previous pleasant demeanor did a 180 and I was Pissy Mchateshislife and I made sure everyone knew it. After hiking up Mount Everest aka the 5 or 6 or 7 (I lost count) flights of steps up to the office of the "Helter Skelter Hostel" (Yeah, I remembered THAT name... It's pretty memorable) where the man behind the counter was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt with sleeve tattoos on each arm and he was smoking a cigarette laced with crack.
We, and by we I mean Ann, talked to the man and figured out that the Golden Liar Hostel owns this dump too and they send over their overbooked suckers to... Helter Skelter. Great! We paid and gave them enough information for them to have all of our identities stolen and then went out to eat lunch because our room wasn't ready yet. I assumed the 2 day old dead body had not been thrown out yet but I wasn't being fair.
They had told Ann that we would be getting an apartment since we got screwed over by our original hostel. I didn't really care. I was sitting with everyone in silence thinking about how mad I was and what was going to happen to us in that hostel. In an attempt to be positive, I shared with them the worst possible scenarios that could happen to us. 1: we get bed bugs. A couple of bites never hurt anyone that badly. 2: We catch crabs. No biggie. They have those small little combs in Europe, I'm sure of it. 3: Our identities get stolen. I'm broke anyway so the joke is on them. 4: ...... we get sold to the highest bidder. Not ideal but Liam Neeson happens to be a good friend of mine. 5: We die. Worst case scenario. I was so sure of myself that I offered to do anything anyone asked me if our apartment was magically not a shit hole. Well....
We hike up Everest again (I'm telling everyone I climbed it), got our key, walked down Everest, went outside (just like in the olden days), climbed K2 and opened the door to our apartment which opened to..... drum roll..... another door! We opened that one AND!!!! It killed me.... The nicest hostel we've stayed in so far. I'm such a baby. There were 9 beds, a full kitchen, a tv, a balcony, 2 bathrooms and nice wood floors. I learned my lesson OKAY!
I'm going to Rome on Thursday. I hope the nuns overbooked me there and I get to sleep in the Vatican. I'm sure I'd have a blast! I hope they don't find out I'm not Catholic among other things. I think we all know I am going to need to update my blog while I'm sweating my ass off staying with those nuns... God be with me.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Did you eat a sandwich earlier?
Last weekend I went on a.... We'll call it a juice crawl, for the sake of my future, with my friends. We thought it would be a fun little touristy night out in Prague so we did it. At the first juice stand, we were all sitting there having a good time when I was bombarded with...... You'll never guess... Puke. Yep, I was puked on. The person was actually one of my good friends here who I will refer to as "Sly Eagle."
I don't know if you have ever experienced such a feeling or such a smell but it was definitely one for the books... Or for the blogs. Whichever.
Once I figured out what the liquid that was covering the entire right side of my head, including my face was, I ran to the bathroom. I probably looked like how Carrie from the movie "Carrie" looked when she got pig's blood thrown on her only I wasn't going to kill everyone.
Sly Eagle felt horrible. She apologized a million times after I got back from washing my head with hand soap and scrubbing the vomit out of my jeans. I asked her if she ate a sandwich earlier, she said, "Yeah." It didn't smell bad. I was sort of hungry after. When the waiter at the juice stand came over and asked where the girl who threw up went, Sly Eagle told them that she left. Good move, Sly Eagle. Man, you ARE sly!
Being thrown up on kind of ruined my juice crawl mood so Michelle and I decided to leave early. Michelle and I are an interesting duo. We take almost nothing seriously which can be good and bad at the same time. It also makes for good stories.
We all bought cheap prepaid cellphones for our stay here. They came with a little light that you could switch on and it's called a torchlight. We think they're hilarious and use them at really random, unnecessary times. So Michelle and I are waiting for the tram when the sketchy young man who helped us earlier asks us if we have a light. Meaning cigarette lighter. Michelle says, "I have a torchlight!" and immediately whips out her cellphone and turns on her torchlight while flashing the light onto the young man. Sketchy young man says, "Oh... but that won't light a cigarette though." Michelle says, "Oh, absolutely not."
The sketchy young man started to ask us about why we're in Prague and I immediately think, "He's going to steal us and sell us to the highest bidder. Shit." I guess that wasn't a scary enough thought for me to make Michelle stop telling him our life stories. She told him about how we go to the University of Economics, Prague, she told him how we just have to take the tram to Strazni (where our dorms are), she told him the name of our dorms, she just kept going. When she told him where our dorms were he said, "Seriously?! That's right by my house!" At that point, I was sure I was going to die or at least have a Dateline special dedicated to my sex slavery survival. He got on the tram with us and thankfully got off a few stops before us. Close call.
I mentioned earlier that Michelle and I contribute nothing to our group of friends in the way of transportation or trip planning. So one night Michelle and I were sitting there while our two other friends planned what we are going to do while we're in Dublin. We came up with the brilliant idea that we would plan our next trip! Yeah, and we would do a damn good job. Where are we going? "IRAQ!" Michelle proclaimed. "GREAT IDEA!" I said. Who wouldn't want to go there? I hear it's beautiful in the spring. We then started to think of how long we would last in Iraq. I guessed maybe 45 seconds if we played our cards right. We'd make it about 3 steps off the plane labeled "Al Qaeda Air" (Michelle's words) and be picked off like deer in a meadow. I started to research flights and there are absolutely no flights in April. No idea why. But in May, I could go to Baghdad for $1,564.67, indirect. I'll have to see if it's in my budget.
"Pack your bags! The group is goin' to Iraq!" - Michelle
I don't know if you have ever experienced such a feeling or such a smell but it was definitely one for the books... Or for the blogs. Whichever.
Once I figured out what the liquid that was covering the entire right side of my head, including my face was, I ran to the bathroom. I probably looked like how Carrie from the movie "Carrie" looked when she got pig's blood thrown on her only I wasn't going to kill everyone.
Sly Eagle felt horrible. She apologized a million times after I got back from washing my head with hand soap and scrubbing the vomit out of my jeans. I asked her if she ate a sandwich earlier, she said, "Yeah." It didn't smell bad. I was sort of hungry after. When the waiter at the juice stand came over and asked where the girl who threw up went, Sly Eagle told them that she left. Good move, Sly Eagle. Man, you ARE sly!
Being thrown up on kind of ruined my juice crawl mood so Michelle and I decided to leave early. Michelle and I are an interesting duo. We take almost nothing seriously which can be good and bad at the same time. It also makes for good stories.
We all bought cheap prepaid cellphones for our stay here. They came with a little light that you could switch on and it's called a torchlight. We think they're hilarious and use them at really random, unnecessary times. So Michelle and I are waiting for the tram when the sketchy young man who helped us earlier asks us if we have a light. Meaning cigarette lighter. Michelle says, "I have a torchlight!" and immediately whips out her cellphone and turns on her torchlight while flashing the light onto the young man. Sketchy young man says, "Oh... but that won't light a cigarette though." Michelle says, "Oh, absolutely not."
The sketchy young man started to ask us about why we're in Prague and I immediately think, "He's going to steal us and sell us to the highest bidder. Shit." I guess that wasn't a scary enough thought for me to make Michelle stop telling him our life stories. She told him about how we go to the University of Economics, Prague, she told him how we just have to take the tram to Strazni (where our dorms are), she told him the name of our dorms, she just kept going. When she told him where our dorms were he said, "Seriously?! That's right by my house!" At that point, I was sure I was going to die or at least have a Dateline special dedicated to my sex slavery survival. He got on the tram with us and thankfully got off a few stops before us. Close call.
I mentioned earlier that Michelle and I contribute nothing to our group of friends in the way of transportation or trip planning. So one night Michelle and I were sitting there while our two other friends planned what we are going to do while we're in Dublin. We came up with the brilliant idea that we would plan our next trip! Yeah, and we would do a damn good job. Where are we going? "IRAQ!" Michelle proclaimed. "GREAT IDEA!" I said. Who wouldn't want to go there? I hear it's beautiful in the spring. We then started to think of how long we would last in Iraq. I guessed maybe 45 seconds if we played our cards right. We'd make it about 3 steps off the plane labeled "Al Qaeda Air" (Michelle's words) and be picked off like deer in a meadow. I started to research flights and there are absolutely no flights in April. No idea why. But in May, I could go to Baghdad for $1,564.67, indirect. I'll have to see if it's in my budget.
"Pack your bags! The group is goin' to Iraq!" - Michelle
Luck of the Irish
I am going to Dublin, Ireland this weekend. My plane leaves at 10:25 am Friday morning. I am EXCITED!
Assuming my plane doesn't go down into the Celtic Sea, I am sure I'll have a blast!
You and I both know that I don't have the best luck. So I'm taking bets as to what bad things will happen to me. As always, sex slavery is at the top of my fear list. I have a camera that can be lost/stolen/broken. I also have a passport which is pretty easy to lose. Place your bets.
As for Dublin stuff though, I'm probably most excited to speak English. I am going to speak so much English with a goofy accent attached, they won't know what hit them. Obviously my conversations will be peppered with random Czech words that I know... Just to prove I'm cultured.. My friend Michelle and I find ourselves doing that quite often. "Zub," "Ano," "jsem Sam," "jsem cizinka," etc. I just said, "tooth," "yes," "I am Sam," and "I am a foreigner." If that's not an intellectual conversation then I don't know what is!
Last weekend my friends and I all went out. Michelle and I decided to leave together and of course we got lost. We contribute absolutely nothing in the way of getting our group of friends places. Meaning, we never know where we're going or how to get there. It only makes sense that we left together.
We managed to stalk an American couple and ask them for directions to the tram stop. Yes, we couldn't even get to the correct tram stop on our own. This was after we were waiting for the #14 tram for about 15 minutes only to find out the #14 tram had stopped running for the night 2 hours before we got there. Whoopsies. We got to the tram stop we needed and with the help of a sketchy young man we figured out which tram to take.
While waiting for the tram, Michelle and I decided we were in desperate need for a fried cheese sandwich. Heaven on earth. If I gain 50lbs while I'm here, I can solely blame fried cheese sandwiches... And my lack of self-control. In line for our sammies, we overheard a group of Irish people talking! We could not believe our luck. Irish luck that is. Of course Michelle turns around and tells them about how we're going to Dublin in a week and how we heard their accents and how she would love to hear some insider details. Irish drunk girl #1 response: "Dublin is stupid! Don't go!" Michelle: "Oh awesome! We already bought our tickets sooo too late." Irish drunk girl #2 response: "Unless you have a stack of fifties, Dublin is not fun!" Michelle: "Well I'm broke so I can't wait!" This entire conversation made me giggle. Mainly because the Irish girls were so obnoxious! It made me happy to know that we would be going to a place where their entire population was like that! Oh the joys of not being the most obnoxious people at any given time!
The other thing I am most excited about in Dublin is corned beef and cabbage. Since I will not be eating my grandma's delicious corned beef and cabbage on St. Patty's day this year, I will have to try some authentic Irish food. It better be as good as grammie makes it!
I also have to see a leprechaun and it better have a pot of gold. A leprechaun without a pot of gold is just another little person ginger and those are a dime a dozen. I'm not havin it.
Dublin, watch out. Hurricane Sam is comin' to town!
Assuming my plane doesn't go down into the Celtic Sea, I am sure I'll have a blast!
You and I both know that I don't have the best luck. So I'm taking bets as to what bad things will happen to me. As always, sex slavery is at the top of my fear list. I have a camera that can be lost/stolen/broken. I also have a passport which is pretty easy to lose. Place your bets.
As for Dublin stuff though, I'm probably most excited to speak English. I am going to speak so much English with a goofy accent attached, they won't know what hit them. Obviously my conversations will be peppered with random Czech words that I know... Just to prove I'm cultured.. My friend Michelle and I find ourselves doing that quite often. "Zub," "Ano," "jsem Sam," "jsem cizinka," etc. I just said, "tooth," "yes," "I am Sam," and "I am a foreigner." If that's not an intellectual conversation then I don't know what is!
Last weekend my friends and I all went out. Michelle and I decided to leave together and of course we got lost. We contribute absolutely nothing in the way of getting our group of friends places. Meaning, we never know where we're going or how to get there. It only makes sense that we left together.
We managed to stalk an American couple and ask them for directions to the tram stop. Yes, we couldn't even get to the correct tram stop on our own. This was after we were waiting for the #14 tram for about 15 minutes only to find out the #14 tram had stopped running for the night 2 hours before we got there. Whoopsies. We got to the tram stop we needed and with the help of a sketchy young man we figured out which tram to take.
While waiting for the tram, Michelle and I decided we were in desperate need for a fried cheese sandwich. Heaven on earth. If I gain 50lbs while I'm here, I can solely blame fried cheese sandwiches... And my lack of self-control. In line for our sammies, we overheard a group of Irish people talking! We could not believe our luck. Irish luck that is. Of course Michelle turns around and tells them about how we're going to Dublin in a week and how we heard their accents and how she would love to hear some insider details. Irish drunk girl #1 response: "Dublin is stupid! Don't go!" Michelle: "Oh awesome! We already bought our tickets sooo too late." Irish drunk girl #2 response: "Unless you have a stack of fifties, Dublin is not fun!" Michelle: "Well I'm broke so I can't wait!" This entire conversation made me giggle. Mainly because the Irish girls were so obnoxious! It made me happy to know that we would be going to a place where their entire population was like that! Oh the joys of not being the most obnoxious people at any given time!
The other thing I am most excited about in Dublin is corned beef and cabbage. Since I will not be eating my grandma's delicious corned beef and cabbage on St. Patty's day this year, I will have to try some authentic Irish food. It better be as good as grammie makes it!
I also have to see a leprechaun and it better have a pot of gold. A leprechaun without a pot of gold is just another little person ginger and those are a dime a dozen. I'm not havin it.
Dublin, watch out. Hurricane Sam is comin' to town!
Show me your teeth...
I realized that I never told you about the actual new tooth procedure. So here we go.
I don't know if any of you have ever needed to get a new tooth but I hadn't, so it was a perfectly new and exciting experience. I was actually very excited to get my new tooth or zub (tooth in Czech, pronounced like zoop). You know you have issues when you're running down the halls yelling, "I GET A NEW TOOTH TODAY!" You also know you're white trash. So there I was. An issue-filled, white trash college student.. Getting his new zub.
As I said before, the receptionist at American Dental is an idiot... And I mean that in the most caring way possible. I think she was on novacane when I talked to her. I had to get lost in translation with her for about ten minutes but then I was ready for business or bihness as some might say.
Speaking of novacane. When I was ready to get my new zub, the "doctor" was asking me questions and probably pick pocketing me while we were talking, but when we started to talk about the actual dental work, he asked me, "Would you like medication for pain?" I process what he was asking me which took a few moments and then I respond with, "Yes! Oh yeah!" I didn't realize that pain medication was an option! Those poor smucks who said no. He injected it into my gums with what I hope was a clean needle and then asked if I could feel anything. "OWWW! SON OF A BITCH!" I wanted to yell and then ask for more, but I didn't want to act suspicious.
The procedure was fine... The "doctor" had to use the whitest crown or whatever he used because I "Have very white teeth.." "Aww, shucks, doc!" I wanted to say. He asked me if I had ever bleached my teeth. Two boxes of Crest White Strips later, "Nope, never."
The dental hygienist was in charge of shoving that small vacuum in my mouth to make it absolutely BONE dry but she kept staring out the window... I tried to see what was so damn amusing but I couldn't move my head. I was semi-offended that my amazing pearly whites did not impress her enough to even pay attention.. Whatever, my tooth is fixed.
About a week or two ago I started to notice that my new zub was not the same color as my other teeth. SOB, I thought. I don't know what kind of paint they used for this fake tooth but it's not very good and probably lead. I have a checkup appointment in about a week so I'll see what they can do about it then. But f'real, that tooth cost me $250! It should at least be white. I wouldn't mind if it were whiter than the other teeth, but they had to use the whitest crown/filling/zub they had.
Thanks, Crest!
I don't know if any of you have ever needed to get a new tooth but I hadn't, so it was a perfectly new and exciting experience. I was actually very excited to get my new tooth or zub (tooth in Czech, pronounced like zoop). You know you have issues when you're running down the halls yelling, "I GET A NEW TOOTH TODAY!" You also know you're white trash. So there I was. An issue-filled, white trash college student.. Getting his new zub.
As I said before, the receptionist at American Dental is an idiot... And I mean that in the most caring way possible. I think she was on novacane when I talked to her. I had to get lost in translation with her for about ten minutes but then I was ready for business or bihness as some might say.
Speaking of novacane. When I was ready to get my new zub, the "doctor" was asking me questions and probably pick pocketing me while we were talking, but when we started to talk about the actual dental work, he asked me, "Would you like medication for pain?" I process what he was asking me which took a few moments and then I respond with, "Yes! Oh yeah!" I didn't realize that pain medication was an option! Those poor smucks who said no. He injected it into my gums with what I hope was a clean needle and then asked if I could feel anything. "OWWW! SON OF A BITCH!" I wanted to yell and then ask for more, but I didn't want to act suspicious.
The procedure was fine... The "doctor" had to use the whitest crown or whatever he used because I "Have very white teeth.." "Aww, shucks, doc!" I wanted to say. He asked me if I had ever bleached my teeth. Two boxes of Crest White Strips later, "Nope, never."
The dental hygienist was in charge of shoving that small vacuum in my mouth to make it absolutely BONE dry but she kept staring out the window... I tried to see what was so damn amusing but I couldn't move my head. I was semi-offended that my amazing pearly whites did not impress her enough to even pay attention.. Whatever, my tooth is fixed.
About a week or two ago I started to notice that my new zub was not the same color as my other teeth. SOB, I thought. I don't know what kind of paint they used for this fake tooth but it's not very good and probably lead. I have a checkup appointment in about a week so I'll see what they can do about it then. But f'real, that tooth cost me $250! It should at least be white. I wouldn't mind if it were whiter than the other teeth, but they had to use the whitest crown/filling/zub they had.
Thanks, Crest!
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