Show me your teeth...

I realized that I never told you about the actual new tooth procedure. So here we go.

I don't know if any of you have ever needed to get a new tooth but I hadn't, so it was a perfectly new and exciting experience. I was actually very excited to get my new tooth or zub (tooth in Czech, pronounced like zoop). You know you have issues when you're running down the halls yelling, "I GET A NEW TOOTH TODAY!" You also know you're white trash. So there I was. An issue-filled, white trash college student.. Getting his new zub.

As I said before, the receptionist at American Dental is an idiot... And I mean that in the most caring way possible. I think she was on novacane when I talked to her. I had to get lost in translation with her for about ten minutes but then I was ready for business or bihness as some might say.

Speaking of novacane. When I was ready to get my new zub, the "doctor" was asking me questions and probably pick pocketing me while we were talking, but when we started to talk about the actual dental work, he asked me, "Would you like medication for pain?" I process what he was asking me which took a few moments and then I respond with, "Yes! Oh yeah!" I didn't realize that pain medication was an option! Those poor smucks who said no. He injected it into my gums with what I hope was a clean needle and then asked if I could feel anything. "OWWW! SON OF A BITCH!" I wanted to yell and then ask for more, but I didn't want to act suspicious.

The procedure was fine... The "doctor" had to use the whitest crown or whatever he used because I "Have very white teeth.." "Aww, shucks, doc!" I wanted to say. He asked me if I had ever bleached my teeth. Two boxes of Crest White Strips later, "Nope, never."

The dental hygienist was in charge of shoving that small vacuum in my mouth to make it absolutely BONE dry but she kept staring out the window... I tried to see what was so damn amusing but I couldn't move my head. I was semi-offended that my amazing pearly whites did not impress her enough to even pay attention.. Whatever, my tooth is fixed.

About a week or two ago I started to notice that my new zub was not the same color as my other teeth. SOB, I thought. I don't know what kind of paint they used for this fake tooth but it's not very good and probably lead. I have a checkup appointment in about a week so I'll see what they can do about it then. But f'real, that tooth cost me $250! It should at least be white. I wouldn't mind if it were whiter than the other teeth, but they had to use the whitest crown/filling/zub they had.

Thanks, Crest!