Guten Tag!
That means hello in German.. I think.
My friends and I went to Dresden, Germany this weekend. Amazing! The town was beautiful, the people were nice, and the weather was great!
The day started out like any other... With me waking up to a phone call from the damn Czech dentist office (American Dental.. Ironic)... Totally normal. The receptionist was still confused by my insurance because she's..... How do you say in English? An idiot. She's just dumb. I accidentally flashed my health insurance card because I don't have a copy of our dental insurance card and she cannot forget about the insurance card. She was yapping about how my family (aka my mother) kept emailing her the wrong information and blah blah blah. I honestly didn't care at all. I only cared about how it was early in the morning and she was complaining to me about my mom. Back off.
I drifted back off to sleep when the phone rang again. I had set my alarm to go off 30 minutes before we had to leave for the train station and when I looked at the phone, I thought it was the dentist office again so I hit ignore. I drift off again. This time someone is rap tap tapping on my chamber door and I'm rul pissed!
It's my friends Chad and Jon asking me why the hell I'm not down in the lobby with everyone else. Yep, it was 9:35 am. I was supposed to be downstairs at 9:30 am. I'm so confused as to why my alarm clock didn't go off but I refuse to blame myself. It's the SOB dentist office's fault. WHY did they have to call me so early and mess everything up. It honestly doesn't make any sense why it's their fault or why my alarm didn't go off but it's how my life works. What makes things more ironic is the fact that my friend Ann told me to not be late and I joked by saying, "Yeah, because I never have to wait on you guys." Dick move on my part. Sorry, Ann.
We got to the train station on time and boarded the train. We were running up and down this Polar Express trying to find a cabin with no success. However, we did find a crying toddler in a cabin alone. We all stood there in awe. "What do we do? Do we take it? Do we wait for the 'parents' of this child to return and then rip them a new one? Do we babysit?" We didn't know. How you leave a child not old enough to stand up on its own alone is beyond me. Sadly, we had to find our seats.
The 7 of us had to split up. 4 and 3. I was in the group of 4 who joined a quiet young woman who was reading a book. I would have been so scared of the crazy, loud, annoying Americans who invaded my cabin and I think she was too. Didn't say a word and left the cabin before we got to Dresden.
When I was trying to sleep on the train, I had my feet up on the chair and my iPod headphones in. I heard some commotion so I opened my eyes. Two police officers were in the doorway. My favorite. They started speaking to me in German. "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" Whenever someone starts speaking to me in a foreign language, I freeze. It don't understand why. I know that "sprechen sie deutsch?" means "do you speak German?" but I just stared at him. He turns to my friend Chris and asks him the same thing. There are a few words exchanged and then the policeman says, "Tell your friend to keep his feet off the seats." Can I mention that the seat looked like someone had gotten diarrhea on it and then rubbed it into the fabric? Cuz that's what it looked like. SORRY, oh German police officer, for resting my foot. I get it though. I should have been more respectful. Maybe next time. I think it's a rule that I must be interrogated by a police officer in every country. At least this time it didn't cost me any money. I was only tased.
We got to our hostel and it was so cool! It had a cool theme to it. I don't know what the theme was exactly but it was cool. Really fun though. It was a theme you would have when you checked into a hotel while on vacation.
That night we decided to go out on the town. I was listening to my iPod while everyone else played cards and when we were ready to leave, I put my iPod in the breast pocket of my coat. Bad idea? Yes.
I don't know when it happened exactly, but someone stole my iPod. I don't think it fell out because it had a grip cover and the pocket is relatively deep and nothing else in my pockets had fallen out (euros and chap stick). I was so upset. Anyone who has ever lost something knows the feeling. My parents bought that for me as a gift. The hard earned money they used to buy me this iPod was gone to waste and it was my fault. You live and you learn. Sorry mom and dad.
But really... I am up to a $40 ticket, a $250 tooth and an iPod Touch. If I'm not cursed, I sure am a dumbass. Now, whenever I go anywhere, I wear a mouth guard and I wear a safe as a backpack. I thought about brass knuckles but I didn't want to overdo it.
Aside from the iPod situation, Dresden was amazing. The sun came out, we took a ton of beautiful pictures, ate authentic German food and had a fantastic time. Go.To.Dresden.
iPod, if you're reading this, I miss you and I want you to come home!
Love,
Sam
Monday, February 22, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I'd like to buy a vowel!
"prst"
"krk"
"brzy"
"vlk"
"vlna"
"plný"
Those, my friends, are words. Yeah, believe it or not, I did not just press a bunch of keys on my keyboard. That mess of consonants is actually a collection of words. They even have a meaning! If you would have showed me those a month ago, I would have thought the person typing them had accidentally put their fingers on the wrong keys.
I am taking Elementary Czech. A class that I need to take if I want the language credit for the Global Scholars program. So, like it or not, there is no getting out of taking this class.
"prst" - finger
"krk" - neck
"brzy" - soon
"vlk" - wolf
"vlna" - wool
"plný" - full
Those are the estimated definitions. Just in case you were dying to know. I don't even give a shit. Trying to pronounce those is like putting a sock in your mouth and trying to whistle. Not so easy. I'm telling you, I couldn't BUY a vowel for anything. They're not for sale.
5 minutes after class started on the first day, I knew I hated this class. There is just that "it" factor a class can have that makes you realize that it's not meant to be. Once my teacher stood up in front of the class with her cardigan half buttoned down and then vomitted a sentence that only gremlins could understand, I knew...
Instant panick sets in when my teacher decides to look at the roster and call on people at random! I think to myself "There is no freakin' way I could pronounce 'vllkddmndashlu' even if I wanted to!" Epitome of confidence, I know. If there is one thing that I hate, it's most things. But if I had to pick a top 5, being called on at random would be one of them. If I knew the answer and was confident about it, I would raise my scrawny arm and tell you the answer. That's almost never the case.
As soon as she started picking us off like flies, my palms began to sweat more than usual, which is a ton. My hands were literally dripping sweat. I looked straight down, avoiding eye contact at all costs. I tried to not soil myself but then I realized that soiling myself would be a definite reason to leave the classroom... So I tried with no results.
I was able to avoid being called on the entire class period until a few minutes before class ended. She asked, "Is there anyone I have not called on yet?" I look left, I look right, and I slowly raise my hand and with a squeeky voice I say, "Me." I had to pronounce these words: "stul, dum, ukol, utery, domu". Add a few accents in there and you've got some Czech words. They weren't so bad.
Did I mention that this class was 1.5 hours long? Well it is. I don't know if you've tried to play a game called "pretend you're not real" for 1.5 hours but after 5 minutes it gets pretty difficult. I'm only good for short periods.
The other class I had today was.... Wait for it....... Drum roll? 3.5 hours long! There is no way that sitting in a classroom that is well above 75 degrees for 3.5 hours in the late afternoon is condusive to learning. It's not. I have the attention span of a gold fish and a memory to match. Sit me in a class with 4 other equally loopy friends and you've got yourself a show.
The class I'm taking is basically review. I took the class at Bradley but I got a C so I know an average amount of the material. Maybe a good thing I'm taking it again but that doesn't stop me from being bored out of my mind.
The teacher did the typical "what's your name? where are you from? why are you here?" deal but he didn't really call on us during class, which I liked. I thought about lying and saying, "My name's Kitty Kat but you can call me Tiger..." just to spice things up a bit but I didn't have enough time to think of the rest of my lie.
The rest of class crawled by until the final hour when the excitement set in. I had been in class for most of the day and had spent a great deal of time watching the sky turn black right before my eyes.
I raised my hand to answer a few questions and invented a new word on accident. "Foupon". Similar to "Coupon" which I meant to say but I was so tired and still frazzled from pronouncing Czech babble earlier in the day that my mouth said, "Foupon". I thought about ignoring it but you can't really ignore that word. Say it out loud... It's silly. It didn't help that I could hear the pee trickling down my friends' legs and their bodies shaking with laughter. So I had to make fun of myself. It's always the best option. It's always bad when you are trying not to laugh because it's not the time or the place but you honestly can't not laugh. This was how I felt. I was in the middle of answer the professor's damn question so I had to finish it! My face was red from the lack of oxygen and I almost started to wet myself all because of "foupon." What a simple word to pack such a punch.
And I thought Czech was complicated... Try English.
"krk"
"brzy"
"vlk"
"vlna"
"plný"
Those, my friends, are words. Yeah, believe it or not, I did not just press a bunch of keys on my keyboard. That mess of consonants is actually a collection of words. They even have a meaning! If you would have showed me those a month ago, I would have thought the person typing them had accidentally put their fingers on the wrong keys.
I am taking Elementary Czech. A class that I need to take if I want the language credit for the Global Scholars program. So, like it or not, there is no getting out of taking this class.
"prst" - finger
"krk" - neck
"brzy" - soon
"vlk" - wolf
"vlna" - wool
"plný" - full
Those are the estimated definitions. Just in case you were dying to know. I don't even give a shit. Trying to pronounce those is like putting a sock in your mouth and trying to whistle. Not so easy. I'm telling you, I couldn't BUY a vowel for anything. They're not for sale.
5 minutes after class started on the first day, I knew I hated this class. There is just that "it" factor a class can have that makes you realize that it's not meant to be. Once my teacher stood up in front of the class with her cardigan half buttoned down and then vomitted a sentence that only gremlins could understand, I knew...
Instant panick sets in when my teacher decides to look at the roster and call on people at random! I think to myself "There is no freakin' way I could pronounce 'vllkddmndashlu' even if I wanted to!" Epitome of confidence, I know. If there is one thing that I hate, it's most things. But if I had to pick a top 5, being called on at random would be one of them. If I knew the answer and was confident about it, I would raise my scrawny arm and tell you the answer. That's almost never the case.
As soon as she started picking us off like flies, my palms began to sweat more than usual, which is a ton. My hands were literally dripping sweat. I looked straight down, avoiding eye contact at all costs. I tried to not soil myself but then I realized that soiling myself would be a definite reason to leave the classroom... So I tried with no results.
I was able to avoid being called on the entire class period until a few minutes before class ended. She asked, "Is there anyone I have not called on yet?" I look left, I look right, and I slowly raise my hand and with a squeeky voice I say, "Me." I had to pronounce these words: "stul, dum, ukol, utery, domu". Add a few accents in there and you've got some Czech words. They weren't so bad.
Did I mention that this class was 1.5 hours long? Well it is. I don't know if you've tried to play a game called "pretend you're not real" for 1.5 hours but after 5 minutes it gets pretty difficult. I'm only good for short periods.
The other class I had today was.... Wait for it....... Drum roll? 3.5 hours long! There is no way that sitting in a classroom that is well above 75 degrees for 3.5 hours in the late afternoon is condusive to learning. It's not. I have the attention span of a gold fish and a memory to match. Sit me in a class with 4 other equally loopy friends and you've got yourself a show.
The class I'm taking is basically review. I took the class at Bradley but I got a C so I know an average amount of the material. Maybe a good thing I'm taking it again but that doesn't stop me from being bored out of my mind.
The teacher did the typical "what's your name? where are you from? why are you here?" deal but he didn't really call on us during class, which I liked. I thought about lying and saying, "My name's Kitty Kat but you can call me Tiger..." just to spice things up a bit but I didn't have enough time to think of the rest of my lie.
The rest of class crawled by until the final hour when the excitement set in. I had been in class for most of the day and had spent a great deal of time watching the sky turn black right before my eyes.
I raised my hand to answer a few questions and invented a new word on accident. "Foupon". Similar to "Coupon" which I meant to say but I was so tired and still frazzled from pronouncing Czech babble earlier in the day that my mouth said, "Foupon". I thought about ignoring it but you can't really ignore that word. Say it out loud... It's silly. It didn't help that I could hear the pee trickling down my friends' legs and their bodies shaking with laughter. So I had to make fun of myself. It's always the best option. It's always bad when you are trying not to laugh because it's not the time or the place but you honestly can't not laugh. This was how I felt. I was in the middle of answer the professor's damn question so I had to finish it! My face was red from the lack of oxygen and I almost started to wet myself all because of "foupon." What a simple word to pack such a punch.
And I thought Czech was complicated... Try English.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Jadore Fedor
Remember my best friend Fedor? I might have talked about him once or twice but I can't remember for sure.
The thought about my blog being open to the entire universe has slipt through my mind, yes. And believe it or not, I am actually filtering a lot of what happened. So stop telling me. I realize I will probably never get a job after this but keeping you guys updated is just too important to me. My joblessness will fit in with my toothlessness.
My apologies for all of the grammatical errors. I should start proof reading but I probably won't. Time is money and I have prison to bail myself out of and teeth to buy.
Last night was our first Nation 2 Nation party. Every week or month or something a different nation puts on a party for the international students. This was the welcome party so I think the theme was Czech Republic but I honestly didn't pay attention.
So guess who I run into? I'll give you zero guesses because you all don't even have to think about it. My pal Fedor. Of COURSE I pretended that we were best friends who hadn't seen each other in years. "OH HEY!!!!!!! Where have you been?! I've been trying to get a hold of you but my phone was eaten by a dolphin.. Long story!"
I'm pretty sure he was not having it... He might have even quoted a passage from my earlier entry... Something about him being a wack job? Whoopsies. Let's just add this one to the list.
Side note about this party: In Prague, coat checks are a huge deal. I don't trust them. If I were a coat checker I would, without a doubt, rummage through people's coats. I can only imagine that's what they're doing. So I find a safe place to put my coat. That safe place? Under the bar. Some might disagree with me when I say that under the bar is a great place for my coat but whatever. I take out the goods and shove my coat under the bar. I come back hours later and my coat is hanging out from underneath and is in prestine condition. Success.
When searching for a secret hiding place for my jacket with my friend Laina, we tried putting it on top of the storage closet. There was about 7 feet from the top of the storage closet to the ceiling so we figured there was a ledge. Wrong. I toss up my coat only to hear it plummet 6 feet to the ground. I had to scale the walls like spiderman and do a triple axel into this storage closet that had crap everywhere. And when I say crap, I'm pretty sure there was actual shit in there but I was pumping with adrenaline so it was a blur. I got my jacket and cradled out. Another success.
Bye Fedor!
The thought about my blog being open to the entire universe has slipt through my mind, yes. And believe it or not, I am actually filtering a lot of what happened. So stop telling me. I realize I will probably never get a job after this but keeping you guys updated is just too important to me. My joblessness will fit in with my toothlessness.
My apologies for all of the grammatical errors. I should start proof reading but I probably won't. Time is money and I have prison to bail myself out of and teeth to buy.
Last night was our first Nation 2 Nation party. Every week or month or something a different nation puts on a party for the international students. This was the welcome party so I think the theme was Czech Republic but I honestly didn't pay attention.
So guess who I run into? I'll give you zero guesses because you all don't even have to think about it. My pal Fedor. Of COURSE I pretended that we were best friends who hadn't seen each other in years. "OH HEY!!!!!!! Where have you been?! I've been trying to get a hold of you but my phone was eaten by a dolphin.. Long story!"
I'm pretty sure he was not having it... He might have even quoted a passage from my earlier entry... Something about him being a wack job? Whoopsies. Let's just add this one to the list.
Side note about this party: In Prague, coat checks are a huge deal. I don't trust them. If I were a coat checker I would, without a doubt, rummage through people's coats. I can only imagine that's what they're doing. So I find a safe place to put my coat. That safe place? Under the bar. Some might disagree with me when I say that under the bar is a great place for my coat but whatever. I take out the goods and shove my coat under the bar. I come back hours later and my coat is hanging out from underneath and is in prestine condition. Success.
When searching for a secret hiding place for my jacket with my friend Laina, we tried putting it on top of the storage closet. There was about 7 feet from the top of the storage closet to the ceiling so we figured there was a ledge. Wrong. I toss up my coat only to hear it plummet 6 feet to the ground. I had to scale the walls like spiderman and do a triple axel into this storage closet that had crap everywhere. And when I say crap, I'm pretty sure there was actual shit in there but I was pumping with adrenaline so it was a blur. I got my jacket and cradled out. Another success.
Bye Fedor!
Who's Pimsleur?
I just want to start out by saying that despite what you might think while reading this blog entries, I'm actually having a great time here in good ole Praha. It's just that horrible things keep happening to me. Normal, right? Thought so...
I also want to say that I've been asked to maybe not swear so much... But fuck that. Just kidding Mom!
First night in Prague that was not spent in Fedor's company (ps I'm pretty sure Fedor reads my blog.... Whoops! But we'll get to that later): The first night in the dorms was great. Only two of my flat mates were there but they were both totally cool and nice. Things were finally starting to look up. The flat was also just re-done so it's so nice and classy which is so unlike me (just look at my previous posts). One of my flat mates, John, went on this trip with his girlfriend so he invited Taylor, other flat mate, and myself out with them and a bunch of her friends. We went out and had a blast! Our personalities, our senses of humor, our backgrounds are all so different but they just work together. I think it takes a certain kind of person to be able to leave their friends, their family and their comforte zone to study abroad so when you get all of those people together they just click.
When my new friends and I were on the tram that faithful Thursday night, we ran into some problems. And when I say ran into, I really mean it ran into us and when i say some problems, I mean 1 problem. In Prague, you have to either buy a 1 month, 3 month or 1 use tram pass. For the 1 use tram pass you have to validate it on the tram. Well we did not validate our tram passes. OMG we're sooooo crazy. Apparently, that's not acceptable.. Who knew, right? The problem with that is that they have undercover tram police who I guess check on this.... I think the guy who gets the job of going undercover on a smelly, cold tram at 3 in the morning must've done something horribly wrong in policeman school to get that job but whatever. So he comes up to us and asks to see our tickets. We give him our un-validated tickets with our heads held high thinking that he'll look at them and let us off the hook. Not the case at all.. He then asks for our drivers licenses. Sure thing, I think, as I dig out the card! I gave it to him with so much confidence. As if he will look at my borderline amazing picture where I seem to have not even tapped on puberty's door, with hair that looks like I stuck my finger in an electrical outlet and say, "you know what, you are SO unfortunate, here is your license. I'm sorry. Ride the tram for free whenever you want, ma'am!" That, too, did not happen. He then told us that we either had to pay 700 czk ($40) or go to the police station. Did I mention he doesn't speak English? Well he doesn't. So that was fun also. I think by police station he meant prison. Czech prison. Where you get Hepatitis Z but simply talking about Czech prison. So I have it now. Obviously I paid the $40. That was the easiest solution I could come up with. The others were: crying, playing dead, hijacking the tram, taking prisoners or offering him back massages in lieu of prison. But I'm no good at back massages so I went for cold, hard crowns. Good first night out.
Have you ever woken up in the afternoon and said to yourself, "I'm REALLY glad that happened to me!"? First of all, if you're waking up in the afternoon, then your answer is automatically no. Secondly, me either.
I chipped my tooth. There, I said it. I've decided that no matter how you chipped your tooth, it always happens in an embarrassing way but the way I did it, is embarrassinger than everyone elses.
I was carrying sweaters that I knitted for under priveleged children in Africa when it happened. Why do children in Africa need sweaters? Protein. Anyway, I was carrying this 15 sweaters when I slipt on a sheet of black ice. The sweaters flew out of my arms and into the black slush. Totally ruining them. I landed on a skateboard and slid into a pole and smacked my mouth causing my tooth to chip in half. It all happened so fast so I ended up swallowing it on accident. Let me tell you.... It.Was.Delicious.
I woke up the next morning and immediately felt for my tooth thinking/hoping/praying that it was all just a nightmare only to realize it was real. I am semi-toothless. I have now stopped telling people I'm from the USA and I am now English. There is not a 5 minute period that goes by that I don't say "...so remember when I had a tooth?", "...this would be so much more fun if I had a tooth...", "...well at least you have all of your teeth!" or I'll just simply point to where my tooth once sat.
I googled "Dentist office in Prague" and got on called "American Dental". I figured they'd probably speak English. Safe bet. I then sent them this email: "Hey girl hey. I chipped my bottom center tooth and I would like to know about how I would go about fixing it and how much it would cost. If you could get back to me asap that'd be great!"
I miss that tooth...
I also want to say that I've been asked to maybe not swear so much... But fuck that. Just kidding Mom!
First night in Prague that was not spent in Fedor's company (ps I'm pretty sure Fedor reads my blog.... Whoops! But we'll get to that later): The first night in the dorms was great. Only two of my flat mates were there but they were both totally cool and nice. Things were finally starting to look up. The flat was also just re-done so it's so nice and classy which is so unlike me (just look at my previous posts). One of my flat mates, John, went on this trip with his girlfriend so he invited Taylor, other flat mate, and myself out with them and a bunch of her friends. We went out and had a blast! Our personalities, our senses of humor, our backgrounds are all so different but they just work together. I think it takes a certain kind of person to be able to leave their friends, their family and their comforte zone to study abroad so when you get all of those people together they just click.
When my new friends and I were on the tram that faithful Thursday night, we ran into some problems. And when I say ran into, I really mean it ran into us and when i say some problems, I mean 1 problem. In Prague, you have to either buy a 1 month, 3 month or 1 use tram pass. For the 1 use tram pass you have to validate it on the tram. Well we did not validate our tram passes. OMG we're sooooo crazy. Apparently, that's not acceptable.. Who knew, right? The problem with that is that they have undercover tram police who I guess check on this.... I think the guy who gets the job of going undercover on a smelly, cold tram at 3 in the morning must've done something horribly wrong in policeman school to get that job but whatever. So he comes up to us and asks to see our tickets. We give him our un-validated tickets with our heads held high thinking that he'll look at them and let us off the hook. Not the case at all.. He then asks for our drivers licenses. Sure thing, I think, as I dig out the card! I gave it to him with so much confidence. As if he will look at my borderline amazing picture where I seem to have not even tapped on puberty's door, with hair that looks like I stuck my finger in an electrical outlet and say, "you know what, you are SO unfortunate, here is your license. I'm sorry. Ride the tram for free whenever you want, ma'am!" That, too, did not happen. He then told us that we either had to pay 700 czk ($40) or go to the police station. Did I mention he doesn't speak English? Well he doesn't. So that was fun also. I think by police station he meant prison. Czech prison. Where you get Hepatitis Z but simply talking about Czech prison. So I have it now. Obviously I paid the $40. That was the easiest solution I could come up with. The others were: crying, playing dead, hijacking the tram, taking prisoners or offering him back massages in lieu of prison. But I'm no good at back massages so I went for cold, hard crowns. Good first night out.
Have you ever woken up in the afternoon and said to yourself, "I'm REALLY glad that happened to me!"? First of all, if you're waking up in the afternoon, then your answer is automatically no. Secondly, me either.
I chipped my tooth. There, I said it. I've decided that no matter how you chipped your tooth, it always happens in an embarrassing way but the way I did it, is embarrassinger than everyone elses.
I was carrying sweaters that I knitted for under priveleged children in Africa when it happened. Why do children in Africa need sweaters? Protein. Anyway, I was carrying this 15 sweaters when I slipt on a sheet of black ice. The sweaters flew out of my arms and into the black slush. Totally ruining them. I landed on a skateboard and slid into a pole and smacked my mouth causing my tooth to chip in half. It all happened so fast so I ended up swallowing it on accident. Let me tell you.... It.Was.Delicious.
I woke up the next morning and immediately felt for my tooth thinking/hoping/praying that it was all just a nightmare only to realize it was real. I am semi-toothless. I have now stopped telling people I'm from the USA and I am now English. There is not a 5 minute period that goes by that I don't say "...so remember when I had a tooth?", "...this would be so much more fun if I had a tooth...", "...well at least you have all of your teeth!" or I'll just simply point to where my tooth once sat.
I googled "Dentist office in Prague" and got on called "American Dental". I figured they'd probably speak English. Safe bet. I then sent them this email: "Hey girl hey. I chipped my bottom center tooth and I would like to know about how I would go about fixing it and how much it would cost. If you could get back to me asap that'd be great!"
I miss that tooth...
Monday, February 8, 2010
Dobry den
First order of business: Holy shit stains I'm sorry for taking forever to update this! We did not get our internet logins until today so I've only been able to get on the net briefly.
Second order of business: Flight. So apparently once you board an airplane that is going to a foreign country English is no longer acceptable. I mean, it is but if you speak English then you're automatically a tool. So as you can imagine I was the biggest freaking tool on the airplane.
There was this foreign couple sitting one seat away from me in the middle and I'm pretty sure they just talked shit about me the entire time... I mean I'm sure they had nothing better to talk about.
I don't know if any of you have experienced this but on the airplane they have camera views that you can watch on your little tv so you can see what's going on in front of the airplane, below it and also see a map of where you are in the flight. That took up some sweet time of mine when I wasn't trying to interpret what the foreigners next to me were saying.
After landing in Copenhagen and waiting for 3 hours and then being punk'd into thinking my plane was boarding and waiting another hour we started to board for real. I showed them my ticket/passport and then walked down these stairs. I should have known that when I was walking down stairs that there would not be an airplane down there waiting but I guess I wasn't really thinking much at all. What I didn't expect you ask? A bus... I did not expect a bus. A paddle boat? Maybe.. But when I saw that bus I just thought to myself "That bus doesn't look like a plane. Am I taking a bus to Prague? Where the shit is this bus taking me?" Of course I boarded it. We took this bus out to the middle of the runway and drove up next to an airplane roughly the same size of this bus only with wings. I was basically sitting on top of the man next to me but I think he enjoyed it. On the plane to Copenhagen, the people had actually heard of the English language but on a puddle jumper to Prague, no effing way..
Third order of business: Fedor. I would just like to say that I went in to this with a mostly open mind. I really did. I was even thinking of conversation topics for Fedor and I when I was traveling for 13 hours so I am not the blame here.
First of all, Fedor tells me that he will be wearing a brown jacket with a poster saying "Yankee". He was not holding that poster though.. So I could tell by his blatant lie that he would only be trouble. I met him and he was creepy looking. He's just a creeper. There is something very dark and mysterious about him that I cannot pin point, nor would I want to. We were walking to the car and he says to me, "You are very boring." I respond with "umm... what?" he then says, "You are very boring.... tired, yes?" Sign number two that Fedor is a wack job. Maybe he got boring and tired mixed up? I don't even really care at this point because I'm so tired.
We get to the parking deck and Fedor doesn't even have money to validate his fucking ticket. After he tells me this he just chuckles and stares at me like "What we do now?" I just want to pick up my suitcase and throw it at him. To a normal person this wouldn't even be a big deal but when you're tired and crabby it was. I had Czech money though from Karina (THANKS!) so I had to pay for it. Sign number three.
We get into his car and he tells me that he has never been to the dorms before so he doesn't know how to get there. At this point, if Fedor would have told me he was going to sell me into sex slavery, I would not have been surprised.
We get to the dorms but he has no idea which dorm I'm in so we travel to 4 different dorms until we get to the right one. We get up to my room and he asks me if I would like to go to his political marketing class with him in the morning because his professor teaches at Bradley. I agreed to go because it would give me something to do but he came up with the GRAND idea to have me stay the night at his house because he would not have a way to contact me in the morning and I did not know how to get to the school on my own. This idea made my heart sink. I just wanted to sleep in a bed and without Fedor but no. His house was an hour outside of Prague in a peasant village. I got there and took a shower but the water smelled like a river filled with dead fish. I had to sleep in his bed and when he offered to change the sheets I said no because I didn't want to wait forever. I got in bed and found a bottle of lube under his pillow. I immediately regretted not having him change his sheets.
We wake up at 730 am and leave for class around 8 and get there at 9. I got like 5 hours of sleep so I was probably a ball of fun. Class was good and Fedor and I just ran some small errands and then he dropped me off at the dorms and I said PEACE OUT and haven't replied to any of his communication attempts. I did receive this text from him "Hey Sam, not bored? Your aunt mrs ickes wrote me the message, she havent heard from u. I told her u were bumped by the tram and staying in a hospital ;)" WTF?! That message is a hot mess of casual questions mixed with winky smiley faces and my hospitalization. Another reason to not talk to him ever again.
This was only the first day of Prague and the next post will show how much I have actually enjoyed it!
One more Fedor quote/conversation:
F: "you ever have long hair?"
Me: "in high school my hair was about the same length as yours but my hair doesn't look good long. It's like a muffin."
F: "like Obama?"
Me: (pause) "No...... nothing like that"
Second order of business: Flight. So apparently once you board an airplane that is going to a foreign country English is no longer acceptable. I mean, it is but if you speak English then you're automatically a tool. So as you can imagine I was the biggest freaking tool on the airplane.
There was this foreign couple sitting one seat away from me in the middle and I'm pretty sure they just talked shit about me the entire time... I mean I'm sure they had nothing better to talk about.
I don't know if any of you have experienced this but on the airplane they have camera views that you can watch on your little tv so you can see what's going on in front of the airplane, below it and also see a map of where you are in the flight. That took up some sweet time of mine when I wasn't trying to interpret what the foreigners next to me were saying.
After landing in Copenhagen and waiting for 3 hours and then being punk'd into thinking my plane was boarding and waiting another hour we started to board for real. I showed them my ticket/passport and then walked down these stairs. I should have known that when I was walking down stairs that there would not be an airplane down there waiting but I guess I wasn't really thinking much at all. What I didn't expect you ask? A bus... I did not expect a bus. A paddle boat? Maybe.. But when I saw that bus I just thought to myself "That bus doesn't look like a plane. Am I taking a bus to Prague? Where the shit is this bus taking me?" Of course I boarded it. We took this bus out to the middle of the runway and drove up next to an airplane roughly the same size of this bus only with wings. I was basically sitting on top of the man next to me but I think he enjoyed it. On the plane to Copenhagen, the people had actually heard of the English language but on a puddle jumper to Prague, no effing way..
Third order of business: Fedor. I would just like to say that I went in to this with a mostly open mind. I really did. I was even thinking of conversation topics for Fedor and I when I was traveling for 13 hours so I am not the blame here.
First of all, Fedor tells me that he will be wearing a brown jacket with a poster saying "Yankee". He was not holding that poster though.. So I could tell by his blatant lie that he would only be trouble. I met him and he was creepy looking. He's just a creeper. There is something very dark and mysterious about him that I cannot pin point, nor would I want to. We were walking to the car and he says to me, "You are very boring." I respond with "umm... what?" he then says, "You are very boring.... tired, yes?" Sign number two that Fedor is a wack job. Maybe he got boring and tired mixed up? I don't even really care at this point because I'm so tired.
We get to the parking deck and Fedor doesn't even have money to validate his fucking ticket. After he tells me this he just chuckles and stares at me like "What we do now?" I just want to pick up my suitcase and throw it at him. To a normal person this wouldn't even be a big deal but when you're tired and crabby it was. I had Czech money though from Karina (THANKS!) so I had to pay for it. Sign number three.
We get into his car and he tells me that he has never been to the dorms before so he doesn't know how to get there. At this point, if Fedor would have told me he was going to sell me into sex slavery, I would not have been surprised.
We get to the dorms but he has no idea which dorm I'm in so we travel to 4 different dorms until we get to the right one. We get up to my room and he asks me if I would like to go to his political marketing class with him in the morning because his professor teaches at Bradley. I agreed to go because it would give me something to do but he came up with the GRAND idea to have me stay the night at his house because he would not have a way to contact me in the morning and I did not know how to get to the school on my own. This idea made my heart sink. I just wanted to sleep in a bed and without Fedor but no. His house was an hour outside of Prague in a peasant village. I got there and took a shower but the water smelled like a river filled with dead fish. I had to sleep in his bed and when he offered to change the sheets I said no because I didn't want to wait forever. I got in bed and found a bottle of lube under his pillow. I immediately regretted not having him change his sheets.
We wake up at 730 am and leave for class around 8 and get there at 9. I got like 5 hours of sleep so I was probably a ball of fun. Class was good and Fedor and I just ran some small errands and then he dropped me off at the dorms and I said PEACE OUT and haven't replied to any of his communication attempts. I did receive this text from him "Hey Sam, not bored? Your aunt mrs ickes wrote me the message, she havent heard from u. I told her u were bumped by the tram and staying in a hospital ;)" WTF?! That message is a hot mess of casual questions mixed with winky smiley faces and my hospitalization. Another reason to not talk to him ever again.
This was only the first day of Prague and the next post will show how much I have actually enjoyed it!
One more Fedor quote/conversation:
F: "you ever have long hair?"
Me: "in high school my hair was about the same length as yours but my hair doesn't look good long. It's like a muffin."
F: "like Obama?"
Me: (pause) "No...... nothing like that"
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